I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
