he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
