put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
