I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize