he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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