There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
