It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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