Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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