Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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