just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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