i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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