I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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