my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
