Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
