very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
