just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
