Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
