I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
