p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
