My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
