before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No subtext here. People are naked.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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