Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Your cock deserves a montage
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize
