Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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