I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
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THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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