I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
