I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
