two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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