Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
