i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
