whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
