D3 body, D1 cock
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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