i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
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He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
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Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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