You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
