he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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