You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
