things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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