upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
