it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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