yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i think im in europe. pls send help
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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