They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My feet surprised me
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