peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
