Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
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I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
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He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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