i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
