I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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