Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
