The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
