You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
