You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
