So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
