I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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