i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
