I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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