Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
