I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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