tell your sister to shave her snatch
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
