WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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