Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
