we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
