You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
