I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
being pregnant is like rehab
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
