I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I need water and some morals
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