Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize