Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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