Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
