Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If that was your dad, he is hot
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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