Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
