I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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