He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
