She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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