If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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