You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
