I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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