That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
