i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
