i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
