I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
