Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
