I CAN MOONWALK!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
