We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
