I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
