THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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