he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
