"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
third nipple confirmed
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
