I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
