He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
