I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
