OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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