Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
that is very illegal...i love you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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