I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
