Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
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Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i out mim tonsoeep
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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