We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
