I just made out with a guy for $7.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
