apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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