is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
