He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
