I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
