12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
