apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
