this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My life is pants optional.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
