Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
